Imagine this.

You see a beautiful woman in a grocery store. She smiles at you suggestively. So you move in closer to flirt with her.

You stand next to her in front of the ice cream cooler and make eye contact. She smiles, looks away, your eyes meet again in the reflection from the glass. She turns and says, “Hi, I’m Candy.”

You yell “MY NAME IS ANDY. MY PENIS IS HUGE. WILL YOU MARRY ME? I’M ONLY GOING TO BE STANDING HERE FOR A LIMITED TIME, SO YOU MUST ACT QUICKLY. LOOK, ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DATING ME, AND SOME PEOPLE YOU REALLY RESPECT, HERE ARE THEIR NAMES AND COMMENTS. ”

She rubs her ears and says, “Uh, hi.” And starts to back away.

Stalker that you are, you follow her and continue your pitch.

“IF YOU’RE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE, LET’S TRY A TEST MARRIAGE DURING A TRIAL PERIOD CALLED A DATE! IF YOU GIVE ME YOUR PHONE NUMBER, I WON’T SELL IT TO MY FRIENDS, HONEST. ACT NOW AND I’LL TAKE YOU TO FRIDAYS.”

“Maybe we should start ov-” She’s willing to give you another chance but you just can’t shut up.

“OH YOU WAITED TOO LONG, NOW IT’S SUBWAY. TOO LATE MCDONALDS. BEFORE YOU GO, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHY YOU’RE NOT MARRYING ME RIGHT NOW? WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN MARRYING ME LATER? OKAY, WELL WHAT IF WE JUST HAD SOME SEX, WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN THAT?”

If you’re pissing yourself laughing, and getting flashbacks to 40 Year Old Virgin, you might not be for long. How many of us either market that way, or have bought something from someone who markets that way?

Think about how often you use some similiar marketing tactics in your sales copy, on your site, or in your blog. Think maybe if you flirted a little with your audience and readers first, did something nice for them, paid attention to their needs, you’d be more popular?

I tried both ways. Turns out you need only a dash of flash in your sales letter if you take your desired customer for a steak dinner prior to bumping uglies the first time. And just like in dating, if you maintain a good benefits balance in your relationship, they’ll be back.

Of course, if you think it’s smart to have a series of one night stands, more power to you. Me, I’d rather be up front and serially polygamous with my customers than fake monogamy just to get them into bed the one time. Don’t know about you but I’m building a business not a brothel.

As my mood/health/family stalkers allow, we’re going to talk about coy marketing, and the intersection of romancing your prospect into a sale by addressing their needs, instead of batting them over the head with a caveman’s bat and facing dire consequences later.

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